Labels

OK, let me say for the record: I’m not a Realtor! Well, technically, I am, since I hold a valid license, though I haven’t been active for over a year. Why all of the uproar over this? I was introduced as a Realtor for my job title for the Dallas Morning News Voices gang! It was simply a mistake, since I had held that title in the past, but that’s not the hat I wear these days (for the record, I’m a Feng Shui consultant, home stager, and life coach).

Still, once I got over my surprise at being miscategorized, I began to analyze why I was upset over this at all. After all, a job title doesn’t even begin to describe the complex, multi-faceted individual that I am. A simple little change in the job description at the end of my columns will fix it, so what’s the big deal?

I chalk up my agitation to the holidays. Nothing like getting together with extended family that you only have minimal contact throughout the year for several days of forced intimacy to get your guard up. As the youngest of 8 children, I constantly battle the illusion in my siblings’ minds that I’m a hot-headed 12 year old agitator, not the passionate 40+ idealist that I’ve become. And, conversely, I’m not entirely sure who THEY are, either. Sometimes I think that we should all take some type of survey in advance of the gathering, so we don’t have to spend the entire brief time span lamenting the fact that no one understands who we are anymore.

Labels and job descriptions give people a jumping-off point, a way to fix in their minds the character, tone, and direction of conversation. Every networking group I attend stresses the importance of the 30-second “elevator speech”, where you neatly sum up your job and interests in an effort to entice the other person to find out more about you. When done well, you can find out a lot about a person in a very short span of time. Developing a good one forces you to focus on what’s important to you, which is a key component to being successful in your life.

When labels are too limiting, skewed, or just plain wrong, they can have devastating effects. Just look at any political campaign for a myriad of examples. The terms “liberal” and “conservative” were both used to bludgeon the voters into toeing the party line. Even the word “patriotic” got sullied by candidates and their handlers, all in an effort to win the electorate’s hearts and minds. Prejudices creep silently into conversations if one isn’t aware of their words, too. That’s why it is so important to weigh what you say, since you can’t un-say things. You can pull the nail out of the board, but the hole still remains.

So what do you do if you are trying not to pigeon-hole yourself and others into a narrow little box? It’s actually very simple, yet extremely difficult at the same time: you have to take the time to actually listen. I know, I know, this is a tall order for today’s sound-bite generation, but even 30 seconds is asking a lot of some folks, let alone 30 minutes. It’s undeniable that the more our lives speed up, the greater the need to slow down at times. That’s why I personally have carved out one night each week just for me. Sometimes it’s spent with family, playing games or enjoying an outing together, other times it’s with friends, and still others, my most treasured times, it’s spent in a nice hot tub filled with Epsom Salts and orange peels.

Looking through your heart instead of your eyes is another way to get around the label game. After all, the executives at Enron looked great on paper and even more impressive in person with their designer suits and elegant homes, but their hearts were shriveled and lifeless, polluted with selfish desires for their personal gain. Years of being in sales positions taught me that some co-workers would gladly stab you in the back just for a couple of bucks. Look in the mirror, and if you see that person staring back, perhaps it’s time for some personal introspection. No one needs that kind of negative energy polluting their environment.

At the end of the day, it really doesn’t matter if people think I’m a Realtor, a Feng Shui consultant, or a glow-in-the-dark alien from the planet Krelzop. I know who I am, and I’m happy to share that with anyone who is interested. Hello, my name is Beverly. Would you like to get to know each other over some tea? My treat!