I helped usher in a new decade last night. I showed my 11 1/2 yr old the proper way to shave her legs. Not that I really wanted to give in to this rite of passage, but the simple fact is, she's getting older. Really, there is no need to defoliate her lower appendages, but the opportunity presented itself, and I gave her some pointers that hopefully will help her avoid becoming a walking scab like I was at her age.
It was another wonderful example of how time just doesn't care whether you are "ready", it just keeps moving forward.
Kathryn just kept commenting on how "dangerous" she felt, as she wielded that blade against her virgin skin. I found myself praying that this would be the most dangerous thing she would have to deal with for many, many years. After all, another friend told a story at the local Girl Scout leader meeting about her own daughter's recent exposure to, well, exposure. A man in a pick-up truck had asked her & her friend to direct him to the high school as they walked home from school, and proceeded to unleash the family jewels. Ick. It's been a topic of conversation around our house, to be sure. Why some men get their jollies that way, I'll never know...
Well, I'm off to be dangerous myself. I'm going to get my hair cut, and it may end up really short! It's a challenge for me to think about getting rid of my long locks, especially afte being bald for nearly a year, but the ends are so damaged that they just look awful. I'm also redefining my need for color, which is proving to be an interesting study in perceptions, too. More on that later, though...the experiment is not over!
In the meantime, do something out of your comfort zone today. Just for me, but mostly, just for your own soul's happiness!
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Happy Valley?
There are some days that you wish would never end. This last weekend was one of those times. The weather in the Wasatch acted as if it had been storing up its best days for me, with warm fall days, gentle breezes, and wispy white clouds wafting lazily through the mountain peaks. I soaked it up gleefully, knowing that it was soon to be merely a memory. And that's OK.
It's always hard to return to a place that you loved so much during your lifetime, because it's the good times that stay in the forefront of your cerebral cortex. It requires a real effort of will to bring back the negatives, unless there's something to jar your reverie.
On the front page of the Salt Lake Tribune last Saturday, there was an article publicizing a conference for ex-Mormons. It crystallized the feeling that I couldn't put into words so many years ago, and I just wanted to tell these poor attendees, "Let it GO!" What is it about this religion that inspires so much energy to be expended on telling the world that they no longer want to be a part of it? After all, the opposite of love is not hate; it's indifference.
One possible explanation is that being a part of the LDS culture is far more than just attending church. You have an entire social structure that takes over nearly all of your free time. Families are split because of the different choices made, and suddenly Family Home Evening is incomplete. Church attendance moves from an activity of bonding to one of breakage.
I get that. I grew up Catholic, and struggled for years to get my family members to understand my evolving views. I fought with them, argued my points, did my best to "show them the light", and it didn't do any good. It wasn't until fairly recently that I gave up. I realized that I was the problem, not them. Suddenly, it was no longer important for me to fight that particular battle. It was so liberating to realize that my truth didn't have to become their truth in order for it to be valid! Many people would say, "Well, duh!", but it was a pretty big Ah-Ha moment for me.
So, when that article brought this dichotomy back to the forefront for me, I was able to verbalize my inherent discomfort for being back in the Land of Zion - it felt like a war zone! One of ideals, yes, but quite confrontational nonetheless. One of the sayings in Unity, the church that I attend these days, is that "what you resist, persists". By resisting the opportunity to live in harmony (or at the very least, indifference) with their Mormon neighbors, these folks attending the conference are making sure that discord continues. It takes two to fight, and every parent knows that even a belligerent teen will eventually get bored if you don't allow yourself to get pulled into a heated discussion.
I also understand the need to be among others of like mind, so I certainly don't begrudge the conference attendees and organizers. I got a lot out of the cancer support group I attended over 6 years ago now. There is a time and a place for these things, but there is also a danger of making it into your drama story, instead of a footnote in the biography.
All things being equal, though, I would consider a move back to Utah, since those lovely mountains are always there to provide instant spiritual sustenance and a reconnection to what really matters. But I might end up as one of those crazy mountain folks with a bunch of animals running around, sitting on my porch as the world bustles on by... yeah, I think I could handle that, too. These days it doesn't sound so crazy after all!
It's always hard to return to a place that you loved so much during your lifetime, because it's the good times that stay in the forefront of your cerebral cortex. It requires a real effort of will to bring back the negatives, unless there's something to jar your reverie.
On the front page of the Salt Lake Tribune last Saturday, there was an article publicizing a conference for ex-Mormons. It crystallized the feeling that I couldn't put into words so many years ago, and I just wanted to tell these poor attendees, "Let it GO!" What is it about this religion that inspires so much energy to be expended on telling the world that they no longer want to be a part of it? After all, the opposite of love is not hate; it's indifference.
One possible explanation is that being a part of the LDS culture is far more than just attending church. You have an entire social structure that takes over nearly all of your free time. Families are split because of the different choices made, and suddenly Family Home Evening is incomplete. Church attendance moves from an activity of bonding to one of breakage.
I get that. I grew up Catholic, and struggled for years to get my family members to understand my evolving views. I fought with them, argued my points, did my best to "show them the light", and it didn't do any good. It wasn't until fairly recently that I gave up. I realized that I was the problem, not them. Suddenly, it was no longer important for me to fight that particular battle. It was so liberating to realize that my truth didn't have to become their truth in order for it to be valid! Many people would say, "Well, duh!", but it was a pretty big Ah-Ha moment for me.
So, when that article brought this dichotomy back to the forefront for me, I was able to verbalize my inherent discomfort for being back in the Land of Zion - it felt like a war zone! One of ideals, yes, but quite confrontational nonetheless. One of the sayings in Unity, the church that I attend these days, is that "what you resist, persists". By resisting the opportunity to live in harmony (or at the very least, indifference) with their Mormon neighbors, these folks attending the conference are making sure that discord continues. It takes two to fight, and every parent knows that even a belligerent teen will eventually get bored if you don't allow yourself to get pulled into a heated discussion.
I also understand the need to be among others of like mind, so I certainly don't begrudge the conference attendees and organizers. I got a lot out of the cancer support group I attended over 6 years ago now. There is a time and a place for these things, but there is also a danger of making it into your drama story, instead of a footnote in the biography.
All things being equal, though, I would consider a move back to Utah, since those lovely mountains are always there to provide instant spiritual sustenance and a reconnection to what really matters. But I might end up as one of those crazy mountain folks with a bunch of animals running around, sitting on my porch as the world bustles on by... yeah, I think I could handle that, too. These days it doesn't sound so crazy after all!
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Vacation!
I'm salivating. Not because I have a wonderful meal awaiting me, but instead, gorgeous terrain! I'm off to Salt Lake City tomorrow! The mountains and the trees await, as well as many wonderful friends. But mostly the mountains! The spiritual connection with them is intense, and it is through their power that my own batteries will be recharged. Trees help, but a hike in the woods of Texas is just not the same as a hike in the forests of Utah.
Then again, you don't have to shovel sunshine, and we have plenty of oxygen in our fair state!
Then again, you don't have to shovel sunshine, and we have plenty of oxygen in our fair state!
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Visions of Grandeur
I had an interesting conversation with my mother in law this morning. She's in town to make sure the kids don't burn the house down while I'm taking a class and my husband is hunting in the mountains of Colorado. My last article in the DMN mentioned the bankruptcy that my parents had to file during the mid-80's, and she was horrified that I had revealed that. In her mind, bankruptcy is akin to telling everyone that you have a venereal disease, apparently. No wonder, since she is still smarting from losing a huge chunk of her retirement nest egg, and she blames frivolous bankruptcies in part for the economic flame-out.
However, I don't view what my parents went through as shameful. They were the hardest-working people I know. Farmers everywhere take out short-term loans to purchase seed, fertilizer, equipment repairs, and fuel to run the behemoths that modern farming require to make a living. Back in the 80's, many weather-related issues made prompt repayment difficult, and hundreds of small family farms went under. We were able to maintain core acreage, but in order to stave off the banker's grasp, 1,000 acres were reduced to only 300. I was in college at the time, and it was largely out of view for me, though the stress and anxiety were written all over my parents' faces when I came home for visits.
Today, however, I understand Anna's position. She has neighbors who financed a total house remodel, only to file for bankruptcy to avoid paying the bill. We all hear about the people who run their credit cards to the hilt and then slide out from underneath their responsibilities with no apparent recourse for the people waiting to get their money. Many new regulations have been put into place to make bankruptcy a less attractive option, but it's been a popular way to go for far too long. Should the stigma of Chapter 7 be reactivated? Wouldn't hurt, but I'm afraid that's a bit like closing the barn doors after all of the horses have escaped.
We're in for a major paradigm shift in this nation. No longer will the free and easy credit be so easy to obtain, and that's going to slow down runaway consumption in a hurry. Right now, I'm in the midst of a major dilemma to allow my children to run off to Target to blow their allowance on frivolous things like video games and CD's, or to stand my ground and insist that they leave it in their savings. Naturally, they are all for spending MY money, but far less enthusiastic about spending their own. Funny how that works...
Now, suddenly people are waking up to the realization that our own government has been acting like the spoiled brats that inhabit our schools, and it's ugly. After all, we gave them tacit permission to run rampant with our money, and they had a blast! Like all parties, though, it has ended, and this is going to be a doozy of a hangover.
We're all guilty of believing that "we're worth it", and "we've worked hard, so I deserve a break today". Great advertising slogans, and not necessarily false. However, we've taken them to extremes by taking more "breaks" than work, and our over-inflated sense of self has become an obsession with superficiality. While I don't welcome the steep decline in my retirement account or the oppressive sense of gloom and doom in society, I'm glad for the return to reality. Seriously, who needs a $90 mani/pedi - for their dog? Fifi will just have slum it for a while with the rest of us, at least until we as a whole regain our senses, stop the panic selling, and allow the markets to normalize.
Our new normal will require internal realignment, and that will become evident in our external environment. That's why I got interested in Feng Shui, since that's what it's all about. I've been getting a lot more interest in my chosen career, and little by little, my clients are making small changes that add up to big advances in their lives. It's wonderful to be able to have a small part in their personal journeys. But that's another story....
However, I don't view what my parents went through as shameful. They were the hardest-working people I know. Farmers everywhere take out short-term loans to purchase seed, fertilizer, equipment repairs, and fuel to run the behemoths that modern farming require to make a living. Back in the 80's, many weather-related issues made prompt repayment difficult, and hundreds of small family farms went under. We were able to maintain core acreage, but in order to stave off the banker's grasp, 1,000 acres were reduced to only 300. I was in college at the time, and it was largely out of view for me, though the stress and anxiety were written all over my parents' faces when I came home for visits.
Today, however, I understand Anna's position. She has neighbors who financed a total house remodel, only to file for bankruptcy to avoid paying the bill. We all hear about the people who run their credit cards to the hilt and then slide out from underneath their responsibilities with no apparent recourse for the people waiting to get their money. Many new regulations have been put into place to make bankruptcy a less attractive option, but it's been a popular way to go for far too long. Should the stigma of Chapter 7 be reactivated? Wouldn't hurt, but I'm afraid that's a bit like closing the barn doors after all of the horses have escaped.
We're in for a major paradigm shift in this nation. No longer will the free and easy credit be so easy to obtain, and that's going to slow down runaway consumption in a hurry. Right now, I'm in the midst of a major dilemma to allow my children to run off to Target to blow their allowance on frivolous things like video games and CD's, or to stand my ground and insist that they leave it in their savings. Naturally, they are all for spending MY money, but far less enthusiastic about spending their own. Funny how that works...
Now, suddenly people are waking up to the realization that our own government has been acting like the spoiled brats that inhabit our schools, and it's ugly. After all, we gave them tacit permission to run rampant with our money, and they had a blast! Like all parties, though, it has ended, and this is going to be a doozy of a hangover.
We're all guilty of believing that "we're worth it", and "we've worked hard, so I deserve a break today". Great advertising slogans, and not necessarily false. However, we've taken them to extremes by taking more "breaks" than work, and our over-inflated sense of self has become an obsession with superficiality. While I don't welcome the steep decline in my retirement account or the oppressive sense of gloom and doom in society, I'm glad for the return to reality. Seriously, who needs a $90 mani/pedi - for their dog? Fifi will just have slum it for a while with the rest of us, at least until we as a whole regain our senses, stop the panic selling, and allow the markets to normalize.
Our new normal will require internal realignment, and that will become evident in our external environment. That's why I got interested in Feng Shui, since that's what it's all about. I've been getting a lot more interest in my chosen career, and little by little, my clients are making small changes that add up to big advances in their lives. It's wonderful to be able to have a small part in their personal journeys. But that's another story....
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Staying In vs. Going Out
I had an interesting conversation yesterday with a client. She commented that since she lost nearly 25% of her 401K in the crashing stock market, she really doesn't feel like going out much. This, from one of the most dynamic women leaders I know! It really isn't surprising to hear this, though. Fear is rampant, and while our physicial security isn't under siege, our financial security seems to be threatened on all sides.
I have had almost the opposite reaction to all of this mess: I'm out and about more now than I have been in ages! I'm not spending a lot of money, but I have been going out of my way to find joy. Compliment new glasses on a colleague? Check. Call my daughter to have her see the sunset? Check. Cheer my son on at his football game, and stay to cheer his friends at theirs? Check! I've also been participating in lots of networking meetings and focus groups to increase the odds of finding new clients. Magical thinking isn't going to solve this economic crisis, just as it doesn't heal a body from a devastating illness. However, by staying positive and open to receiving the good that is out there, we'll be able to recognize it when it crosses our path.
It's not work when your heart sings!
I have had almost the opposite reaction to all of this mess: I'm out and about more now than I have been in ages! I'm not spending a lot of money, but I have been going out of my way to find joy. Compliment new glasses on a colleague? Check. Call my daughter to have her see the sunset? Check. Cheer my son on at his football game, and stay to cheer his friends at theirs? Check! I've also been participating in lots of networking meetings and focus groups to increase the odds of finding new clients. Magical thinking isn't going to solve this economic crisis, just as it doesn't heal a body from a devastating illness. However, by staying positive and open to receiving the good that is out there, we'll be able to recognize it when it crosses our path.
It's not work when your heart sings!
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Beyond Dire Headlines
(published in the Dallas Morning News, 9/29/08)
The news lately appears to be written by Chicken Little. "The Sky is Falling! The Dow is Falling! Our Profits are Falling!" It's enough to make you swear off poultry. However, few things can prepare you for the day when your children ask about the headline: "Worst financial crisis since the Great Depression!"
"We don't have any stocks, do we, Mom?" asked my eighth-grade son with trepidation. I soft-pedaled the danger to his college fund to stop the panic in his face. I wasn't lying about it, just drawing on my own experience with financial turmoil. My parents, who were farmers, had to file bankruptcy during my first year in college, and I learned that there are many ways to get an education if you want it badly enough. I briefly explained that it's all cyclical, and that it's wise to never let current events cloud the knowledge that the only constant is change.
Ever since Alexander Hamilton advocated that we actively pursue national debt, our country has built itself around "buy now, pay later." Credit cards were invented to allow citizens the same privilege. After all, when the car breaks down for good, most people don't have the extra $30,000 in the bank to pay cash for a new one. Small businesses need to have access to capital if they are to grow, and so on.
Still, I'm amazed at the lack of working knowledge people have about money management and investing. Since money is at the heart of so many things, why are we so afraid of it? Studies consistently show that the happiest people in the world are those who have the least, yet Americans tend to be fixated on what we don't have, rather than what we do have. Self-esteem has become inexorably linked with how much something costs. The reality is that no matter how hard you try, you can't buy your way to a contented soul.
My favorite saying these days is: "This too shall pass." I even had a friend create a bracelet for me to remind me to maintain perspective. Many people fall back on this phrase when bad things happen in their lives, knowing that ultimately better days are ahead. But I've been concentrating on it when in the midst of that perfect, glorious day that I wish would never end. It always does, so I do my utmost to enjoy every single magnificent second. Bobby McFerrin had a very catchy tune many years ago called, "Don't Worry, Be Happy." It's a rather Pollyanna-ish song that many disregard as a slacker mantra, but I look at it as a reminder to find joy in everyday events.
We made it out of the crisis in the 1930s, and we'll make it out of this one, too. Long-term leadership strategies made the difference then, and lots of personal sacrifice was required as well. Yes, we will all have to pay more taxes, make do with less and suffer indignities such as not getting the latest fashions and walking to school. Some will still find ways to succeed, while others will succumb to the doom-and-gloom mentality that pervades the news.
Accountability, both personal and national, needs to become the mantra, since we all worked the system to get to this point. Regardless of which candidate wins the upcoming election, we will eventually do what Americans have done for generations: Pull ourselves up by our bootstraps and improve the outdated notions that aren't working. And maybe this time, we'll remember the lessons learned.
The news lately appears to be written by Chicken Little. "The Sky is Falling! The Dow is Falling! Our Profits are Falling!" It's enough to make you swear off poultry. However, few things can prepare you for the day when your children ask about the headline: "Worst financial crisis since the Great Depression!"
"We don't have any stocks, do we, Mom?" asked my eighth-grade son with trepidation. I soft-pedaled the danger to his college fund to stop the panic in his face. I wasn't lying about it, just drawing on my own experience with financial turmoil. My parents, who were farmers, had to file bankruptcy during my first year in college, and I learned that there are many ways to get an education if you want it badly enough. I briefly explained that it's all cyclical, and that it's wise to never let current events cloud the knowledge that the only constant is change.
Ever since Alexander Hamilton advocated that we actively pursue national debt, our country has built itself around "buy now, pay later." Credit cards were invented to allow citizens the same privilege. After all, when the car breaks down for good, most people don't have the extra $30,000 in the bank to pay cash for a new one. Small businesses need to have access to capital if they are to grow, and so on.
Still, I'm amazed at the lack of working knowledge people have about money management and investing. Since money is at the heart of so many things, why are we so afraid of it? Studies consistently show that the happiest people in the world are those who have the least, yet Americans tend to be fixated on what we don't have, rather than what we do have. Self-esteem has become inexorably linked with how much something costs. The reality is that no matter how hard you try, you can't buy your way to a contented soul.
My favorite saying these days is: "This too shall pass." I even had a friend create a bracelet for me to remind me to maintain perspective. Many people fall back on this phrase when bad things happen in their lives, knowing that ultimately better days are ahead. But I've been concentrating on it when in the midst of that perfect, glorious day that I wish would never end. It always does, so I do my utmost to enjoy every single magnificent second. Bobby McFerrin had a very catchy tune many years ago called, "Don't Worry, Be Happy." It's a rather Pollyanna-ish song that many disregard as a slacker mantra, but I look at it as a reminder to find joy in everyday events.
We made it out of the crisis in the 1930s, and we'll make it out of this one, too. Long-term leadership strategies made the difference then, and lots of personal sacrifice was required as well. Yes, we will all have to pay more taxes, make do with less and suffer indignities such as not getting the latest fashions and walking to school. Some will still find ways to succeed, while others will succumb to the doom-and-gloom mentality that pervades the news.
Accountability, both personal and national, needs to become the mantra, since we all worked the system to get to this point. Regardless of which candidate wins the upcoming election, we will eventually do what Americans have done for generations: Pull ourselves up by our bootstraps and improve the outdated notions that aren't working. And maybe this time, we'll remember the lessons learned.
My first national exposure!
Wow, I'm so excited! I've been quoted in the online version of TIME magazine! http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,1846068-1,00.html
Since this article called me a blogger, I suppose I should finally get one going. I've been writing articles for the Dallas Morning News as a Voices columnist for nearly 9 months, which is how I got noticed. It's gratifying to see that a positive voice in the wilderness of negativity is being heard. We have a lot of fear spreading mistrust, hatred, and ill health, and I'll do anything that I can do to help people regain some perspective on their situation. I learned that from my wonderful husband of 18 years. He often told me during my cancer treatments "don't let the highs get too high or the lows too low". That's why I've labeled my blog t2sp: This Too Shall Pass. Everything changes, so enjoy the good times fully, and let the bad ones pass through you. It's all good, if you look hard enough!
Since this article called me a blogger, I suppose I should finally get one going. I've been writing articles for the Dallas Morning News as a Voices columnist for nearly 9 months, which is how I got noticed. It's gratifying to see that a positive voice in the wilderness of negativity is being heard. We have a lot of fear spreading mistrust, hatred, and ill health, and I'll do anything that I can do to help people regain some perspective on their situation. I learned that from my wonderful husband of 18 years. He often told me during my cancer treatments "don't let the highs get too high or the lows too low". That's why I've labeled my blog t2sp: This Too Shall Pass. Everything changes, so enjoy the good times fully, and let the bad ones pass through you. It's all good, if you look hard enough!
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