Sunday, February 7, 2010

Losing a child...

My friend buried her son yesterday.

Nicholas was only 10 years old. It was quite an experience to see a casket that small, and the effect it had on all who were present was intense. His older sister, Taylor, had suggested that people write messages on his casket, so in no time at all, the markers left indelible prayers and goodbyes as artwork for the afterlife.

The first time I met Nick was when Deidra’s daughter Rachel and my daughter Kathryn were in kindergarten. He was in a special stroller that put him at eye level. His features didn’t look quite right to me, but Meet the Teacher night didn’t seem like the appropriate venue to ask about his condition. It was several months later that I found out the truth: Nick had been a normal 6 month old, and then he had his vaccines. He became irrevocably brain damaged after that.

I admit that I had always been skeptical about the reports of this happening, or the severity of the injury due to the introduction of several serums at once. For whatever reason, the combination of these shots with Nick’s chemistry proved to be wholly incompatible. The first 3 children all managed their shots just fine, but not Nick.

Deidra never played the victim card. She and her family always included Nick in every family activity, reading to him every night, saving a special place at the table for every meal even though he received his nutrition through a feeding tube. Her husband meticulously researched nutritional supplements and alternative treatments to help Nick increase his quality of life. Eventually, they jumped through enough hoops to convince the US Federal Government’s National Vaccine Injury Compensation Program that they qualified for assistance, and were finally able to get some in-home nursing care. Most children who have the type of brain injury that Nick had don’t make it as long as he did, and it was because of the unconditional love and dogged determination of his family that he truly had a blessed experience.

I have to admit that I was torn at the funeral. I mean, how can you not bless the release of a soul who is trapped in a body that can’t communicate? And then I saw the posters that his siblings had made. He saved his smiles for them. There was an awareness that I had not been privileged to see, as he was almost always sleeping when I was around him. And no matter what his mental or physical state was, he had a family that loved him dearly. Another set of parents outlived one of their children.

This family will have some major adjusting to do, now that the 24/7 schedule of feeding, bathing, doctoring, and researching is over. Nick’s siblings will continue with their own busy lives, as their mom made sure that the burdens of caring for a disabled sibling was not going to keep them from a full life of their own.

Godspeed, young Nick. I hope you have fun running and playing with the angels now! And thanks, Deidra and family, for showing me what it means to love unconditionally.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

I need a wife...

As I roll into the middle of my third week of work, I am finally realizing how important my role as a stay-at-home wife/mom was. Sure, I'm now bringing in a paycheck, but wow...this is tiring! Yeah, I know there is a collective groan going up from those who have been doing this for a very long time, but I'm just getting my stamina up. It has also coincided with a wonderful increase in other freelance writing gigs as well as new work for my Intuitive Interior endeavors, which makes for another full day on Saturdays and a partial work day on Sundays. My FaceBook participation is suffering (not necessarily a bad thing), I'm way behind on blogging (not that I was terribly active before), and my house is a mess. So, other than FB, not much has changed.

Yet again, I'm living proof that the busier I am, the more productive I am.

Today, I spent it in the field all day. Turns out my manager prefers that I make at least one daily visit to the office. My bad. I don't mind, I just thought I'd try to stay up north and save my new tires a bit. It's a different mindset in this company. They actually STOP working at 5. I'm not used to that concept. Having been employed as a field sales person for 7 years where my office was my car, and then a variety of other self-motivated pursuits, it's shocking to see that there really is a company that largely adheres to the 9-5 work day. It's kinda nice!

I'm off to enjoy some family time now. All work and no play makes for a cranky mom!