Twilight - or how I found my childhood again..

Re-entry sucks...

You see, I let my daughter and her Girl Scout troop members convince me that I needed to read the Twilight series. We saw the movie when it came out, and I really hadn't given it much more thought. That is, until those sweet eyes of my daughter and her friends got all gaga whenever the subject of vampire love came around, and Kathryn nearly tore my head off when I talked about delaying the purchase of book 4 until Christmas. I decided I needed to witness this phenomenon first-hand. After all, I finally finished listening to the Harry Potter series last month, and my eyes could use some new words to chew on. How could another series be a bad thing? I'm an adult, have grown-up responsibilities, and a well-developed sense of self-control. I wasn't in any danger of becoming the ravenous beastie that my 11-yr-old became during her time with the residents of Forks, WA. Right?

I made my way through the first one in about a week, thinking that I had been pretty quick about it, considering my busy schedule. Then I came down with a mild case of the flu, or a cold, or allergies...whatever the diagnosis, it felt right to spend more time relaxing with a good book instead of pushing myself to do more. And that's when it happened....

I got sucked in.

Suddenly, the world of vampires, werewolves, and the rainy Northwest town became more real, more urgent, and more compelling than I could have ever imagined. The words of the author reeled me in with her clarity of the mix of relationships and her evocative descriptions of passions both hostile and sensual. I ceased, ever so briefly, to care about the housework, the piles of dishes, even my emails. It was bliss!

Yes, by the final third of the 4th book, I was relieved that I was nearly through with the 700+ tomes, but mainly because the rest of the family was tired of being ignored and their patience with my obsession was wearing thin. Still, I honestly can't remember the last time that I allowed myself the joy of complete abandon like that.

I'm a very responsible person, sometimes to a fault. Even when I go on vacation, there tends to be an underlying purpose to it. Maybe a class is involved, a friend to visit, a family gathering to attend, but rarely do I do anything "just because". Yes, this began as a way to bond with the 7 girls who are currently in the troop, all 6th graders, but that was only the first book. The last three were purely for my own selfish purposes.

I wasn't prepared for the onslaught of emotions that poured over my soul. My passions were stirred by the descriptions of young love, and much of the phrasing reminded me of how I felt when I first started dating my husband. It wasn't that long ago, really, even though the mirror is sharing all of our gradually-acquired wrinkles. The isolation of a teen girl who just didn't fit into the small town life also rang true for me, though I never had the option to live anywhere else. How the realizations of how the little joys of that same life would overshadow the larger adventures, and how relationships were the true measure of happiness were key in my own life.

But most of all, I got to pretend, for a few blissful days, that I was someone else. I stopped "Do-ing" and became a human "Be-ing". I played! I don't allow myself the freedom to do that very often, and it felt really good.

Now, I don't foresee this type of literary marathon happening anytime again soon, since my back has made it perfectly clear that it doesn't appreciate being curled up for hours on end with a book in my lap, but it did put a small chink in my Work Harder armor. I have felt like I was sucking air in through a straw for many years through my thick metal suit, and taking this break was akin to lifting the helmet off and allowing a breath of fresh air in. I'm not quite ready to take off the whole thing just yet, but I'm fitting myself for some virtual chainmail in preparation for the day when I can chunk the heavy-duty protection for something lighter. Something that will still allow me to stay safe, yet move freely to dance and enjoy the music of life.

Something that will allow me to once again chase after the butterflies of my childhood and to pause long enough to name the shapes in the clouds. To Just BE!!

So, for now, I'll let the memories of Bella, Edward, Jacob, and the rest of the Twilight crowd integrate into my mind, while relishing the new understanding of those precious 6th grade girls who are still seriously crushing over those unattainable figures of supernatural masculinity. I've got my own reality to enjoy, for I am the author and creator of it. And that's better than any book out there. Well, maybe... :-)

Thanks, Stephanie Meyer! It was worth every minute!